a_sin_for_him | IC Contact

It's not the worst thing either of us have ever done.

It'll be forgotten soon enough.

Of course it isn't, but I would rather keep private matters private.

We all would. But there's nothing we can do about it now, so why worry?

And it isn't as though it's any great secret, that you're intangibly damaged and I'm overly fond of you for reasons I doubt even ancient and learned gurus could posit.

[Lust is tired, she's not bothering to carefully phrase things at this point.]

I...

[A pause. That is actually a fair, if uncomfortable way to put it.]

Fine, then I need to... do better.

[It's so frustrating because he rarely even sees her, and yet there are all of these things between them...]

I'm sure we both do.

These things...take time.

It's been months.

It can take years.

I've spoken with Envy on it. Not you and I, just attempting to know someone and be comfortable with them. How difficult it is.

[Though she has spoken with Envy about Scar, but she doubts he wants to hear that.]

I have found that being social with other people helps.

[Even though Scar realizes that what she's saying is right, he doesn't like it. And he doesn't like Envy, either.]

I know why it's difficult. So do you.

[Now for the ugly question... Sudden, yes, but Scar doesn't know how to pose it any other way.]

What happened between Envy and Alphonse?

[Talk about heated discussions in public. Scar's tone suddenly becomes darker. He cares about the details, yes, but he also needs to know where she stands. If she'll defend Envy on this...]

I know why it's difficult for you. My own difficulties stem from a number of things.

And I honestly don't know. They were both spouting utter madness, and that's the most I can tell you. Envy's always disliked the Elrics, for whatever reasons he has, but...

I don't have the faintest idea what either of them are talking about. Except Sloth's death. Which I was as much a part of as Alphonse or Edward, though I met with my own fate before it happened.

Sloth... was their mother?

[He's confirming this with Lust because there is no way he's talking about this with Alphonse. Even the fact that they committed the same sin as his brother is news to Scar.

Suddenly, a great many things make much more sense.]

When she was human, yes.

But as a homunculus... she was like me, but took a much different path. She still retained some of her memories, our master wasn't able to wipe them all away. But she rejected them entirely and wanted to forge a new identify for herself, and destroy everything that remained from her human life.

I don't know if Alphonse or Edward knew all of this. But Sloth was very loyal to our master, and I think they knew that much.

That's... I can't even imagine.

[There's a moment's pause again, as he tries to take it in. He had never even been able to bring himself to properly fight Lust, even when she had been actively trying to kill him. But their mother...

And that that bastard had even dared to bring it up... He's done with Envy. For good. No more chances, no more lenience. He doesn't give a damn what Lust says.]

If your brother gives him any more trouble...

I'll speak with Envy.

When he's calmed. Considering the news that Alphonse dropped on him, I can't entirely blame his volatile emotional reaction.

Al would never have had such a reaction unless he deserved it. Envy had no reason to bring up Sloth.

[He, of all people, knows how dirty that move is.]

He should have seen it coming, anyway. This is on him.

It was an awful thing to bring up, but I can understand why he did.

[Better than she'd like, honestly. She sighs, trying to think of how to explain it in a general sense and a way Scar can understand.]

You see Alphonse as a friend. Envy doesn't. I don't think he was trying to hurt Alphonse with that outburst, but he wasn't giving any thought to Alphonse's feelings. As what we are, it's a sensitive subject, that one of us was ended by the alchemists that made her. That that is how responsibility was taken.

I'd likely have stronger feelings on it myself, if Sloth hadn't needed to be taken out anyway. It wasn't simply because she was a homunculus, but I doubt Envy knows all the details. I never offered them.

Say what you want about Envy's thoughtlessness, that was fully intended to hurt.

Those boys have seen hell because of you people, regardless of your intentions or misguidance. You just said yourself that Sloth tried to "wipe away" any trace of her old life. They had no choice but to end her.

In the sense that he was lashing out, not that it was a cold and calculated attack.

I know. I'm also fortunate enough to be privy to the finer details of that situation, and understand there was more to it than appears.

But look at it from our point of view. The implications of what happened...

It's bad enough knowing we're failed mistakes. Any one of us could have been destroyed by our makers. We know we're wrong, we know we're unwanted. You and I realize the Elrics did what needed to be done. I'm sure Envy sees them as committing murder upon a person they didn't want to take the responsibility of claiming because it's easier to kill us than try and care about us.

Then correct him.

[It's simple enough, to Scar. Set Envy straight. But then there's another pause. This discussion has just become far more personal, in Scar's eyes.]

Don't assume that you are unwanted simply due to your nature. And don't tell me what's easier. I would sooner die myself. You know that.

[That comes out... surprisingly gentle. Even to Scar. Sad, if anything.]

I plan to, I said as much. When he's calmed enough to listen.

Scar...

[Lust's voice softens.]

I was speaking from Envy's point of view on a general belief regarding homunculi and the alchemists that create them, not my own. My experiences have been different than his, my viewpoint is different than his. And I'm not sure why you're suddenly defending yourself. You've never created a homunculus. That's what matters so much in this instance, why there are so many deeper implications to it.

Your repeated use of "we" led me to believe otherwise. Like it or not, this is all more closely connected than any of us could have known even a year ago.

I'm not defending myself. There is no excuse for my actions or words. I just...

[He's struggling with how to phrase this, or if he should even be saying it at all.]

I don't want you to think that... you're fundamentally a mistake. Or something wrong, or something to be fixed. I don't care about Envy.

No, I only meant the collective species 'we'. Homunculi. This isn't one of those conversations where I'm talking about one thing and mean another.

I don't consider myself something that needs fixing. But factually... I'm not the intended finished product. I know that. I know why I was originally created and I know in that sense, I'm a mistake. But that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with my existence. Plenty of people are conceived in error.

I do care about Envy. I'm only trying to explain his reactions.

I understand his reactions. And why he would be led to think so. But that does not mean I will forgive him or quietly pretend that he isn't a threat to Al.

Edited 2014-08-19 19:34 (UTC)

I'm not asking you to forgive, just understand.

But honestly...whatever's between them, it's not our place to cast blame or forgive or not. There's clearly a great deal of personal issues there, and I doubt we know everything.

I can promise you that Envy won't pose a threat to Alphonse. Not when he's calm. I'll see to it myself.

That is not how this works. I care about Alphonse. I'm not about to sit back and let some lunatic lash out at him because it's personal.

Alphonse seems perfectly capable of lashing right back out himself.

There's no physical danger. There's no reason for you to involve yourself any further than simply being there if Alphonse wants to speak on anything. Some things are more personal than others, you know that.