a_sin_for_him | IC Contact

You think it's foolish, Scar. What one person thinks isn't universal truth.

And no, it couldn't. Hasn't anyone mentioned that to you? Apparently nothing can actually kill anyone here. Wound and harm, yes, but not kill.

Why are you even bothering to argue that?

I'm not so gullible to believe that there is no real risk.

Because sometimes I wonder if you hold personal truths, or simply apply general truths to all and sundry. That's not a snide comment or an insult, so don't take it as one.

There's risk, of course, just not risk of death.

I think there's something to be said, for damning risk and trying to gain the most out of life. That's why I want to travel. I'm tired of just existing, I want to live my life.

Say what you will about Greed's flaws, but he knows how to live.

[Okay just listening to her drone on about Greed is irritating.]

I'm not discussing this. If you want to run around in the rain with merry abandon, go ahead.

Well I wasn't planning on it until now.

What I wanted to do was perhaps have a conversation on how different human nature is between any random individuals or maybe which is stronger, natural inclination or free will, as that seemed to be where the discussion was headed.

And I like talking about those things.

But maybe I'll just go out into the storm instead, because that's all you've gotten out of anything I've said.

I'm not fit for a conversation about... human nature, I just cracked my damn skull open.

But fine, Greed clearly knows how to live, so go have the time of your life doing the same.

...what the hell happened to your skull?

I'm trying. I'm trying to do new things and meet new people and make new friends and right now I've been trying to become friendly with you.

[Scar is quiet a moment. This conversation is just starting to irritate his head.

But will he shut up? Nooooo.]

You call this trying to become friendly? I make an offhand comment about how idiotic it is to be outside right now, and you take that as an invitation to immediately change your mind about staying safe inside just because you know it will annoy me.

[Not commenting on the 'how' bit.]

No, talking to you about things I like to talk about was my attempt to be friendly.

Or maybe I changed my mind because I decided to listen to my own advice. Your harping on it was just a small push.

I'm proud and stubborn too, you know.

And still, you did so by calling my ideals into question.

[But how the hell is he supposed to keep her from going outside, now? God dammit, he doesn't even have the willpower to think of some roundabout way of convincing her now.]

There is proud and stubborn, then there is putting yourself at risk because it's fun. Don't.

Wanting to debate and discuss ideals isn't calling them into question.

Isn't it my risk to take? I'm not trying to be argumentative. I can stay inside and be reasonably safe and ask how it was later, or I can step outside and experience it myself and always know that I did. Because I have that choice.

What are the measurements for risk versus reward?

[He is getting... rather worked up over this. Lust might hear a nurse trying to gently calm him down in the background.]

If you are trying to make a philosophical discussion of this, as well, I have no interest. I told you, if you're going to follow that fool into a hurricane, there sure as hell isn't anything I can do to stop you. Though you've clearly already made up your mind.

Stop assuming things, Scar.

But when I have two options for something interesting to do, and obviously actively pursuing one results in nothing, I'm left with the second.

If that's not clear enough: I'm still here trying to talk to you.

[Another bit of silence. He's having more trouble gathering his thoughts than usual.

Gee, I wonder why.]

I'm not assuming anything! You were just suggesting that you were going to go outside!

[We're stiiill stuck on that.]

I'm considering it!

I tried to voice those considerations to you, and you snapped at me not to talk philosophy to you! But that's how I consider and rationalize and decide things!

There is nothing to be rationalized. Take one look out the window that you were earlier saying you backed away from because it could break. We've never even seen anything like this before, never mind survived it. This has nothing to do with a lost opportunity, it's about not breaking your neck.

[Or. You know. Getting a concussion.]

I'm not talking about having a picnic in it, just stepping outside for a moment. Not anywhere near large panels of glass that could break inward on me.

And that's just my point. We've never seen anything like it before. I saw video from outside. It does look amazing...

Awe inspiring. But yes, it's frightening.

[And Greed wants her to come out and Scar wants her to stay in. She hasn't the faintest idea by now what she wants.]

It doesn't matter what you do in it! I don't care if you're so easily fooled into the false sense of security this place instills, or if you still like to think that you're indestructible. There are injuries people don't come back from.

I know I'm not indestructible.

But I can't live my life always afraid of being hurt. If I do that, I won't do anything. And it's easier to confront things that might physically hurt me.

Have you ever actually been physically hurt? Really.

Yes. I have.

I was pinned to a wall once, for hours. Like bugs are pinned to a specimen frame. Through my nodes and oroborous.

There are some wounds that cripple even a homunculus.

[That... makes him a little physically ill to think about.]

Then why would you seek some sick thrill from repeating that kind of lasting pain?

[Hadn't he said he didn't want to discuss the philosophy of this? Well, too late.]

Because that buffoon is doing it?

Because there's no guarantee I'm going to get hurt. It's a possibility.

That's what I meant, about weighing potential consequences. There's some small chance I'll get seriously injured. But I'll most certainly experience something I never have before. It's not that much different than going in the ocean, even though I don't know how to swim.

One of the reasons I decided to travel with Greed is because I think there's much I can learn from him. He's been able to cast aside shackles I haven't yet but I'm trying to. He embraces this new life and throws himself into it and doesn't spend hours thinking back and forth over what he should do or shouldn't do or what people will think or every possible consequence. I let myself rest on the first person who offered to take care of me.

Does this make sense to you, so far?

No. It doesn't. You are making no sense what so ever.

The chance is not small. There is debris flying everywhere. Do you see any of the native people outside right now? No. They're inside, many of them sitting in their basements, and waiting out the storm.

Greed doesn't think twice about a thing. He doesn't even think once. There is a great difference between being free spirited and being an impulsive fool, and he is the latter.

I'm not done with my point.

I know that. But the way he lives is something I find inspiration in. Envy's happy. Greed can find happiness in almost anything. That means I can be happy. I don't intend to model my life after him, but he encourages me to step beyond what I know and inspires me to just be me. Without caring or thinking or trying to be anyone in particular I think I should be. To take chances because sometimes it's worth it.