a_sin_for_him | 001

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001 | Voice

[Nothing makes any sense whatsoever. Lust feels like she's in a radio drama only she doesn't have the script and everyone's speaking a different language. She understands, but understanding doesn't help her make sense of it any. How she got here or why. And the spherical blue abomination she's found herself with looks more like something that should be on a little girl's toy chest, not following her. It isn't as though he's difficult to take care of, or even an annoyance, she only questions the judgement of placing any living thing in her care.

She's thankful at least, for the fact that she's finally escaped her master's reach. Strange as this place is, she's no longer a tool for some miserable husk of a woman who should have been long dead. And she's thankful also for the information device, even without much context for the information it holds. And the fact that it can apparently be used as a communication device. Most comfortable with telephones, she initiates the voice function.]

Much as I hate to simply call out to the void, I'm afraid it's likely my most fruitful option.

Do I understand that I'm expected to work?

[She's never held down any sort of job in her life. How did one even get a job?]

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[OKAY MOVING ON IMMEDIATELY]

I know.

How can I not? Envy and I were close, once upon a time.

Envy and I have always been close.

[And there was Lujon. And Scar. She feels things, she always has. And there are the memories. But there's a disconnect, like they belong to someone else. No more have come forth, just by regaining humanity.]

What does it even mean, to have a soul? If it isn't the capacity for emotion, or the capability for compassion, what is it? What sets us apart aside from our flesh?

I don't know. When souls are real, tangible things... When you can hold them in your hand, feel the life force pulse like a beating heart...

I don't know what makes us different. If we can act as humans act, if we can feel emotions. Sorrow, anger, joy... love.

If we were truly soulless, I don't think we would have that sort of capacity. I think then, we really would be mindless puppets for Dante.

But we're not. Because we're still people.

I sometimes wonder.... what we would be like, if we hadn't been brought up the way we were. By her. As monsters and soulless things taught to hate ourselves and what we are.

Alchemists claim the opposite. That we aren't people at all. Just imitations. But aren't we born the same as anything else? Out of blood and flesh and pain and a need to continue life?

Of course we are.

Alchemists are wrong. We may be kept alive by the stones and held together by the arrays on our bodies but we're still alive. At least in a manner of speaking.

Raised to know love instead of hatred... maybe it would prevent us from traveling down the road of scorning humanity.

Even the man I knew-- the one who betrayed me, didn't really understand that. I don't think he could. I don't think it was out of malice, not really. It's just the way he is.

You know...

You're not what I thought you'd be.

Yeah? I always try and surprise people.

I've never met anyone who understood me before. Listened to me, but not understood. Or would admit to thinking about the same things I do.

I had a very long time to think about a lot of things.

Pity we didn't meet sooner, under better circumstances.

I'm not sure things would have gone well if we had, but at least we would have understood each other better.

I doubt they would have. But maybe I would have started to think about things sooner than I did. I don't know. Maybe things happen the way they're supposed to.

It's funny the things we regret.

It is, isn't it?

And there are plenty of things that I regret.

But that's another notch that makes us people and not mindless theoretical dolls.

The answers can't ever be easy, can they?

At least we're lucky. We get the chance to look for them still, if we want.

Envy said he was happy here.

We do.

He's been here a very long time. I'd believe he's found happiness.

[But there's the unstated sentence there: Greed hasn't.]

Only three years or so. That's a promising number, especially considering the subject under discussion.

[The unspoken statement that she considers herself far more mentally and emotionally stable than Envy had been in their homeworld. And Greed seems to be, as well.]

It is, isn't it?

It would seem that the odds are in our favor.

There are two members of the Amestrian military here, for what it's worth. One is from our world, though I'll be honest I only saw him briefly. The other is some sort of parallel version of the man I knew but he's very different in personality.

Couldn't tell you much about either of them, but the parallel man was the one who clued me in on the fact that the versions of us he knew were completely different people.

Though apparently even the "other" me still refused to play by the rules.

Thank you, that's helpful to know.

I'm still trying to understand this idea of other versions of ourselves. How different can they really be?

I'm not sure. He was extremely vague on the matter.

The impression I got was that the homunculi of his world are not a product of human transmutation.

The leader is also not Dante, but some figurehead known as Father-- which I wasn't told directly, but gathered from the fact that he referred to the group as a "family" and it seemed more literal than not in a sense.

I...see.

If not human transmutation, then what?

[That made no sense to her at all. Human transmutation was the only reason homunculi existed.]

I'm... not sure.

As soon as I find out, though, I'll tell you.

[Because he's fairly sure Envy knows, but he wants to find out on his own.]

I did learn something: when the other "me" died, he was put into the body of a human which he apparently shared with the human as opposed to taking it over entirely.

[The implications of which are still extremely disturbing.]

I appreciate that. I'd like to meet with you in person some time, if we have the chance.

[And then Lust is silent a moment.]

That's...impossible.

I'm on my way to Goldenrod. I'm supposed to breed Pokemon here, so I want to check out the Centre before I do anything else, but after that I can meet up with you.

I'll be in the city on the 14th, but after that I will be able to double back and meet you in the city nearest you.

[And he's quiet for a long moment too.]

I know.

But the person who told me is Ed's girlfriend. She has absolutely no reason to lie to me about such a thing.

Edited 2014-05-07 02:48 (UTC)

I'm on my way to Cherrygrove. I don't have much of a plan at all, other than meeting up with Envy.

No. She wouldn't, would she?

Cherrygrove is pretty far away from me, but the next town over is Violet and I'd be able to get there in about a week if I take the shorter path.

She's not involved in whatever is going on in her version of Amestris so unless she gives me a reason not to, I'm going to believe her. She was a bit too open about information with me to begin with.

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