a_sin_for_him | 001

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001 | Voice

[Nothing makes any sense whatsoever. Lust feels like she's in a radio drama only she doesn't have the script and everyone's speaking a different language. She understands, but understanding doesn't help her make sense of it any. How she got here or why. And the spherical blue abomination she's found herself with looks more like something that should be on a little girl's toy chest, not following her. It isn't as though he's difficult to take care of, or even an annoyance, she only questions the judgement of placing any living thing in her care.

She's thankful at least, for the fact that she's finally escaped her master's reach. Strange as this place is, she's no longer a tool for some miserable husk of a woman who should have been long dead. And she's thankful also for the information device, even without much context for the information it holds. And the fact that it can apparently be used as a communication device. Most comfortable with telephones, she initiates the voice function.]

Much as I hate to simply call out to the void, I'm afraid it's likely my most fruitful option.

Do I understand that I'm expected to work?

[She's never held down any sort of job in her life. How did one even get a job?]

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How's that?

[...]

Well. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I guess. Can't force you.

I thought it would have been obvious that he and I know one another.

Of course it's obvious, but that's not what I'm asking.

It was just a matter of getting too close to the target, then?

[Because the same thing had happened to the previous Lust. Multiple times.]

We didn't know one another in that capacity. Our master handled this one herself.

[Back to the verbal sidestep, telling the truth in the most convenient of manner. She supposes it's not very fair, Greed's been honest with her about his past and connections. But what truth to tell him?]

Then what was it? I take it it was more complicated than you driving him to desperation to create the Stone.

[He might be good at picking up on some things, but he doesn't have enough information here to do much in the way of guesswork.]

Our paths kept crossing by happenstance. He knew my face.

The human woman I was intended to be was Ishbalan.

[The super abridged version, since Greed seems talented in reading between the lines.]

[Someone Scar knew very well, then. He probably didn't go through the act himself but that means nothing.]

...we have a knack for bitter irony, don't we?

[Lust has to laugh, though there's no humor in it.]

You don't know the half of it.

I hate wearing the face of a dead man.

Every time I see my reflection, it's a reminder that I'm intrinsically connected to a man I barely remember.

I don't remember that human life. Just fragments, a nonsensical memory here or there.

I thought I'd remember it all, if I became human. I thought I'd be that woman.

I'm still me.

I don't remember a name or anything.

I remember working with horses. And a boy I cared about.

That man was Dante's lover, I think. It would explain why I loved her from the beginning. But I have no memory of that.

[He's quiet, for a long moment.]

Maybe the Stone with its ability to pass by natural law would return the memories of the dead... but I don't think it would change who we are. We are ultimately products of our circumstances and those are undoubtedly completely different from the humans whose faces we wear.

She never told you? Your human name?

I remember the man that made me. His face, at least. And the boy.

[Only mentioned because Greed's own words made her think of it. And she knows that boy who's face she can almost see in her mind is the same as the man she gave up everything to chase, but she can't connect the two. Not really.]

It was foolish anyway, to want that. But I thought if I could be her instead of me...

[She cuts off her words quickly, almost ready to end the feed then and there. As much as she finds she needs this talking and discussing of things, she didn't intend to bare her heart to Greed.]

No.

But I'm fond of the name "Greed" anyway. I'm not sure I'd want to use the name of a man who's been dead for centuries.

[That makes him pause. He's curious, but that's also one of those things that one shouldn't ask. So he tries something else, instead.]

I... I've had the same thought. That if I was human, I'd be seen as something other than a monster.

I sometimes wonder. It hasn't been so long for me. But I don't think I could call myself anything other than 'Lust'.

[There's that sense of understanding again.]

It wasn't about being human. It was about being that human. Who I should have been. But I think something like that and then I wonder what's so very wrong with me as I am?

"Because you're born of human sin" she told me, once. When I asked about my name. It's funny, because I was born of her own sin.

[He wishes he could remember more. Bits and pieces of memories out of context aren't really enough. They'll never be enough.]

That's a good question, isn't it? I don't know.

I'm Greed. I should be perfectly fine with what I am. But then there are days when I go by feeling that something is missing. Even now, when I'm human, that hasn't gone away.

So are all humans, by that logic.

I've never asked.

[Would Scar even tell her, or say that woman was dead and her name with her?]

Is that missing part a soul...or just memories that won't rest but won't surface, either?

If it had been someone else, we may have gotten proper names.

[He's quiet once more.]

I don't know. There are so many things I wish I knew. But we're having this conversation. We're capable of noticing that something is wrong... that makes us closer to human than Dante would want us to realize.

If the man who had made me had raised me... I wonder...

[Would there be any difference now, if she'd never left Ishbal? She doesn't know. Would she be the woman she is, or the woman she'd been?]

If there are answers to be found, we have to find them ourselves.

Another human sentiment. The search for purpose and self-understanding.

No one has ever escaped Dante before. We're on our own.

But I'll keep on going. To make it up to the friends I couldn't save. Because they died protecting a selfish man and I need to learn for myself why.

We can find out the answers to what we do from here together.

It's almost like a storybook.

[That bitter not-quite-amusement is still there. Greed's words speak to something in her that makes her uncomfortable. She thinks about Lujon suddenly and feels an acidic unpleasantness in her gut.]

I think I'd like that. I was certain I'd be alone in this place.

[It's something that means more to her than she'd thought, to have Envy here and to discover Greed in this manner.]

It'd be kinder if that's what it was.

I never want Dante to find this place. I don't know what I would do.

[He's not sure if what he's after is even possible in this place. But he's still Greed. He's still stubborn enough to try.]

There's three of us here. All of us from the same world instead of the other Amestris.

We understand each other. That's something instead of nothing.

Storybooks at least have happy endings.

I'd kill her, I think.

[Because she won't be a slave to that woman ever again.]

Envy would'd really talk about it with me. Our humanity, whether we have souls or not, any of it. He'd listen, but he'd always just shrug and say he didn't remember anything so it didn't bother him.

Maybe he'll talk to me now...

[Three years of humanity has changed him, she's realized that already.]

[He wouldn't.

But he also wouldn't stop Lust from killing Dante. Or maybe he would. He might be better off not knowing at all.]

It was always easier for him to ignore it completely.

I don't blame him. I tried the same thing for a long time.

[Hell, that had been the entire reason for trying to blackmail the Elrics into performing a spirit attachment on him. Because if he had been made less human, maybe the pain would have stopped.]

I suppose it's something that comes easier with age.

I'm not very old. I came into being less than twenty years ago.

It's not always a good thing.

I'm pretty sure Pride honestly considers himself leader of Amestris. I'd pity him if I didn't hate him more.

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001 | Voice

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