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[a_sin_for_him]

You've reached Lust. I'm not available at the moment, please leave a message.

If it's important enough, I'll get back to you.

Comments

[cyan_maid]

[A response comes a little later...honestly, it would look a lot worse if it wasn't through text. Jane's crying. It's Bad.]

I think something like that situation has happened because I don't think it's possible for me to have done this weird "Ultimate Self" bullshit to him that he's claiming to be...
It's really weird and also he implied that I'm not worth his time because I'm not fifty million Janes slammed into one body and I don't matter, apparently!!!!
So I yelled at him and told him not to come over for Christmas...
Dinah's been hugging me for a while now and she won't let go...
And also apparently I'm controlling but honestly how would I know if I am? Lust, am I controlling???
God, maybe he's getting to me worse than I thought, I'm crying again.
Fuck.

[a_sin_for_him]

Take deep breaths, Jane.

Whoever he's angry at, it isn't you. You know yourself. I know you.
You're a compassionate and empathetic person, and you're certainly not controlling.

I know controlling.

You've been through a shock, and it's making you doubt yourself.

[cyan_maid]

Okay.
I'm going to try. Breathing, that is. Deep breathing. I have been breathing, but not. You know, the helpful kind.









I'm. Still flabbergasted, I mean. Deep down, I always felt...like my friends were always wonderful people. And when I would get angry, I felt like I wasn't worthy of them afterwards.
This is just...
It really hurts to hear someone say as much in different words.

[a_sin_for_him]

They're only words. They have no bearing on your worth, and whoever this person is, familiar face or not, they don't know you. They may as well be a stranger, for all they know of YOU.

[cyan_maid]

That's kind of how it feels, to be honest.
Like not only am I apparently a stranger to him, he's a total stranger to me, too.
And I can't fathom what could have happened to make that possible, besides his excuse.

[a_sin_for_him]

You are, in a way. Whatever other life you he knows...is not YOU.

[cyan_maid]

...That's true.
And while I'm here, I can't be that me.
Whatever path I'm on...it's probably diverged so much, it's impossible to be someone other than who I am now and where I CAN go from here.
I think.



...I'm really sorry for coming to you in a panic, Lust. This IS helping quite a lot.

[a_sin_for_him]

I believe that here...we can be our best selves. I wouldn't worry about what you might have been or could have been, under different circumstances.

It's perfectly alright. I believe it's simply a facet of friendship.

[cyan_maid]

...Yeah, I suppose so.



I don't really want to give up the idea that maybe he and I could still be friends. At the same time, however, I don't know how healthy trying would be...
But I can't NOT try, you know? It feels...like I'd be betraying everything our group meant to us if I did.

[a_sin_for_him]

Give it time. Let him adjust and put time between himself and those memories he has that he associates with you.

In my experience...it will be easier that way.

[cyan_maid]

Time. Alright. I can do that.
Just put some time between us.
He'll likely be fine on his own for a while anyway.