a_sin_for_him | IC Contact

Well that doesn't sound ominous at all.

[Getting a call from 'Jack' is hardly surprising, but his manner and tone when she answers is. At least she doesn't jump to any conclusions this time.]

I have time. What is it?

Ha, sorry, not trying to sound weird or anything. Just uh...

I don't know, after I visited your place and there was that brief misunderstanding when your brother showed up... [The whole mistaken identity thing. It just keeps happening, but sometimes it's more awkward than other times.] Kinda feels like maybe I should clear some stuff up. About that whole thing...

[Oh! So that's what this is about. Lust's cautious demeanor changes immediately.]

I would be lying if I said I wasn't curious, but I'm not one to pry into personal matters.

And forgive me if I'm overstepping, but you seem a man who keeps many personal matters close to the chest, so to speak. But...well. I have seen and heard the man.

Yeah, I'm not surprised. [He isn't, now that he's actually thinking about it. Of course Lust would've seen him around the network, with how much Jack keeps posting on there.] He's very... present.

[And even that's an understatement.]

It's not exactly a secret or anything. It's... Well, usually it's something that comes up right away. Hell, I don't even know how many times I've had to explain the whole thing by now.

[It would've been easy at the start. But now, well. It was kinda nice that it never came up with Lust. But now that it had, sorta, it'll just keep sitting there at the back of his mind and... that's no good.

Better just get it over with.]

So... he's my boss.

I'm his body double.

That's a very polite way to say he doesn't shut up.

[And then Jack mentions that the other Jack...is his employer. And Lust suddenly regrets making a comment.]

[At least until she remembers their past conversations. His surprising understanding of her previous situation. His strange mood and evasiveness about Goldenrod, and his mysterious work.]

Body double? I'm not sure I quite understand.... obviously I know what that is, but...you don't just look and sound similar. And please don't take this the wrong way, but you hardly have the carriage or demeanor of a professional guardsman.

[And isn't that what body doubles were? Bodyguards that could act as stand ins and distractions?]

No worries. I mean, you're totally right there. [He's absolutely not who you'd expect with a job like this.] It's... a very unusual situation. To put it mildly.

I... didn't exactly always look like this. Or sound like this. That's, um... That's pretty much all surgery. Lots of very expensive surgery. And that's not exactly something most people would volunteer from, so uh... I doubt they had a lot of candidates to choose from.

[No one sane would volunteer for the job if they knew everything about what it involved.]

The only real requirement was acting skills. Which I have, so...

...that's what you meant. When you told me you knew how that felt.

[While the idea of surgery that extensive is something Lust hasn't ever encountered before, she can believe it. That someone would go to such lengths simply for an expensive bodyguard...]

[That seems strange.]

[But this revelation supersedes any curiosity as to the mentality of a man who'd go so far. She's been curious about Jack's past, the way he's alluded to similar experiences to her own. It makes more sense, now.]

But you did volunteer?

...Yeah.

[Their issues with identity are different and yet similar at the same time. It's not the same, but the feelings involved probably resemble each other a lot. But either way, it's a complicated mess involving the whole... sense of self.

And then that question. Now that's a loaded question.

Tim's hesitation probably says a lot all on its own, but his actual answer?]

Ssssssort of?

[Yeah that says a lot more, doesn't it? It's not an awkward response due to embarrassment or anything like what you might expect from the actual words. He sounds uncertain.]

You were tricked.

[There's no question in Lust's voice. She doesn't need to ask, she knows. Because she's tricked plenty of men, dragged them into something dark and dangerous without telling them what it was they'd been truly pursuing all this time.]

I...have spoken to someone else, who had a great deal to say about the man you call your employer. None of it good.

I certainly understand your avoidance of Goldenrod now.

...Yeah. Yeah, probably. I don't know, I... I barely remember any of it.

Which, um, I guess was kinda the point.

[Because all those drugs they gave him definitely messed with his memories, that much he knows. Really, they could've told him he did anything and he would've been forced to believe him, because how the hell was he supposed to contradict it?

By that point it was too late, anyway.]

...You have? [It must've been someone from Pandora, obviously. Plenty of those around.] ...Yeah, I can think of a few people who... have some stuff to say about him. He's... [...] Well, whatever they had to say about him was probably accurate, I'll just say that.

Ha, yeah... Originally I was planning to stay far away from here. So much for that...

[He tries to laugh it off a little, but it's nervous enough that it just sounds hollow.]

Just the aftermath? The process itself a blur of hazy memories and things you were told happened?

[That's a feeling she knows all too well.]

I have. The girl that spoke out against him. I don't believe him to be the global threat claimed, but a threat needn't be global to be of concern.

You weren't given any choice?

I'm not trying to press, it's just...when I spoke of my master, you indicated a personal understanding. And when you asked about Goldenrod...you did sound as though you were in some sort of trouble.

Pretty much. Officially I agreed to everything and... Well, by the time I really knew what was happening, there wasn't much to do other than to just... go with it.

Not like I had many options before that either.

[The girl... Oh.]

Angel. Right. She... She knows what she's talking about, when it comes to Jack. I don't know how much of a threat he is here, not really, but... Yeah, he absolutely is one.

That... depends on your definition of choice. It wasn't much of one, I guess, no. I mean... I still could've just... not gone. [He could've stayed with Athena. Risked that, instead of risking this. But he went for what he saw as the smaller risk.

...But it never really feels like a choice when it comes to Jack.] I actually tried telling him I wasn't going.

...That didn't go over well.

Mmm. Officially, I don't have a soul and my master 'saved' me.

[And then what could be done? There hadn't been any options.]

He's no threat to this world. Other men have tried to make it their own, it doesn't let them. The forces that watch over us don't allow it. But to certain people in the world... well. My house is on high alert thanks to a serial killer threatening my housemate.

I didn't return once. I ended up pinned to a wall like a moth in a box. I doubt you actually had any real choice.

...Yeah. Official stories really are just... well... stories.

[He knows he didn't consent. It took him a while to accept that, but he knows. He knows Jack, Hyperion, all of that, way too well now.]

A serial killer? Holy shit... [Man, this world just keeps looking less and less nice.] Anyway, I hope you're right. I mean, I'm kinda behind everyone else from home, so I haven't seen everything he can do, but... Well, I've still seen enough anyway.

Shit... [Now that's fucked up.] I... I don't know. Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. Can't really stop thinking about that.

My... [He hesitates for a moment there on what word to use.] ...friend from back home thinks I had one, anyway.

[It's no real surprise that he thinks about that a lot.]

Convenient for control, and to keep us from asking too many awkward questions. I believed it, though. For a time. That I was just...some monstrous thing, with no hope for anything beyond what my master could give me.

It's fine, we have the situation under control. And I've been here long enough and seen enough attempts to know how it goes. We've had power hungry, powerful people try before.

[Lust sighs. She's sitting on her bed and she leans back, against her pillows, reaching to gather Henry the Espurr into her arms.]

Does your friend also 'work' for that man? Or are they an outside observer?

I'm glad you don't believe that anymore.

[Because that description is nothing like her at all, clearly.]

Here's hoping. Not trying to say I don't believe you or anything, that's not it. It's just... difficult, I guess? I don't know, you're probably completely right.

She used to work for him. Not anymore. She quit.

[He sounds downright envious there. Athena could just... walk away. She wasn't important to Jack like he was.]

I believed it for longer than I should. And even then...

[Lust pauses, thoughtful. It's not that it's difficult to speak on these things, it's just that she often doesn't. People get upset, uncomfortable, deeply saddened on her behalf. And it makes her uncomfortable.]

[But they've shared enough, by now, for Lust to know he understands where she's coming from.]

I stayed with my master. I knew what she was. I knew what we were doing was wrong, what the things she'd used me to do were wrong. But...I tried to run once. And I was dragged back, and punished, and it would only happen again if I ran again. I was frightened of her. And I was...tired. Fourteen years is a long time.

But even then...I aligned myself with those working against her. I'd lost everything by then. My...attempt at running had resulted in the death of someone I...cared about. But by then, there was no one left to put at risk. Except myself. It lasted all of a day, and then...

[Lust's eyes drop from the screen, looking down at the shivering cat in her arms. She's sharing all of this for a reason, and she hopes he understands.]

I have no life beyond the one I have here.

[Tim stays quiet as he just... listens to her talk. And of course it's upsetting to hear, it would be upsetting no matter who it was about. But he doesn't say anything about that, because that's not what this is about. Any sympathy he offers about the whole thing would just be obvious.

Far more important are the parallels here.

Staying with a horrible master even knowing that it was all wrong, all because of fear.

It's funny. He'd been so focused on the part about his identity, finally finding people who could relate to that, that he hadn't even thought about... well, all the rest.

It's an understanding he almost, briefly, thought he had with Athena, but then everything had fallen apart.

But this isn't an almost at all.]

Fear's a powerful thing...

[He's saying that to himself as much as to her. More so, maybe. He's not entirely sure what to say. There's a lot of thoughts to sort out here.]

Has she... ever been here?

[He understands.]

[Lust's eyes return to the screen, and she nods, briefly.]

Not like you and I are here. It was for only a handful of days. I was in the other region at the time. I'm...thankful for that. I don't know what I would have done. I always say I'd kill her, if I saw her again, but it's easy to say. If she stared into my eyes and snapped her fingers, I can't honestly say I wouldn't find myself sitting at her feet.

You aren't alone here...

[She almost says his name and then she falters. Is that even his name? It's unlikely that both he and the man he'd been remade in the image of would have the same name.]

[Her heart goes to him. She knows this fear, this self doubt, this internal conflict.]

You aren't alone.

...Yeah. Easy to say you'll do something, but it's impossible to really know until it's actually... happening.

[He can only think of how he told Athena he'd stick with her, that he wouldn't go back to Jack. Hell, how he told Jack himself that. But the second Jack was really talking to him... well...

...

It's easy to say things.]

I... [...] Thank you.

Seriously.

[Hearing that from someone who gets it makes it so much more meaningful. He was always grateful that Lust is around, for the simple reason that she's a good friend. But now...

Even though this subject is so hard to talk about, he's glad he brought it up.]

Conditioning goes deeper than we'd like to think.

[And so do old wounds. And fears. And all those things that make the night seem longer and colder. It's all been stirred up this evening, hasn't it?]

Would you like to come over?

[His first instinct is to ask if she's sure, but, well, she wouldn't have offered if she wasn't. Especially after this whole conversation.

He really only needs to think about it for a moment.]

...Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that.

I thought as much. I'll put on a pot of cocoa.

I...don't like being alone when I've been thinking about these sorts of things, either. Let alone talking about them.

[Ignoring everything else, this man has been used badly and needs a friend. Lust knows that feeling all too well.]

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