a_sin_for_him | IC Contact

That's supposed to be anonymous.

[Why was Envy reading random love advice exchanges? Well, because he's Envy. Still. Why does he have to draw attention to it. She turns away from him with a sigh. She's avoided this topic with him for some time. She doesn't want to deal with what he might think of her and her ridiculous, groundless feelings.]

Maybe it was, but I could tell anyway.

[Now he gets up and moves to sit on the bottom corner of the bed, with a slightly wary glance at Glameow as he does. Too bad, Lust, they're talking about this. Or at least he'll try.]

I knew there was something going on, but I didn't realize...

[Well. Most of it.]

But you know what anonymous means. You know the entire intent is not to be identified.

[The Glameow makes a noise of warning as Envy perches on the corner of the bed. Lust strokes the Pokemon as though to soothe it.]

You didn't know for good reason. It's embarrassing. And there is nothing 'going on'!

You're upset about it, that's something going on.

[And he worries about her. He remembers that after Scar had died back home that she'd defected and he hadn't been there and he didn't know if that was all or even most of why. But he was there when she died, and he heard what she and Wrath had said to each other.]

[He worries more than he used to. He frowns at her before glancing away and muttering.]

I was asking stupid questions on that post too. So why be embarrassed if it's both of us?

A number of things upset me.

[Lust looks away, uncomfortable. She isn't sure how much she wants to tell Envy. But he already read her stupid questions and all the ridiculous, girlish misery she'd poured out into it.]

It doesn't matter. Really, I'm surprised you didn't know. Even Pride knew. I don't want to talk about it, there's nothing more to be said.

No one's calling you out on yours.

I knew that you talked about him all the time, but I didn't know why.

[He sounds almost embarrassed that he hadn't. But then he'd also completely bought into the lie that homunculi aren't capable of love or real emotion so he wouldn't have believed the real reason anyway.]

No, nobody has. But I'm telling you so that you... [He's struggling for the right words, but he's at least looking at her again. Communicating about feelings is so uncomfortable.] You don't have to be embarrassed to talk to me.

You used to tell me things all the time. And I want to know about it from you, not just because I accidentally spied on your conversation with somebody else.

It's not something I enjoy talking about. And it is embarrassing.

[She sits up and folds her knees under her chin, wrapping her arms around her legs. Her Glameow moves to perch on her shoulder.]

He rejected me. It's embarrassing to still even have these feelings. They drive me mad and there's nothing to be done about them.

[Envy scoots a little closer to her, now sitting completely on the bed. He frowns more deeply at hearing the word rejected.]

He did?

[The words have barely left his mouth before he practically bites his tongue; that probably wasn't the right thing to say. He's not sure if there even is a right thing to say. He's not France, he's not good at talking to people genuinely or making them feel better.]

Feelings are...they're difficult. They don't go away easy.

Back home.

[Lust doesn't look at Envy. These aren't things she's ever spoken of, and she hates how voicing them makes them feel so much closer and real. She isn't bothered by his response.]

I left to be with him. I thought if I could become human, he'd love me. But he loved her and he was right, not even becoming human made me her.

[Envy understands that feeling. There's a reason he never, never spoke about his past or where he came from.]

[And that isn't all he understands. There's an entirely familiar pulse of anger in his chest at what she's describing, one that makes him grip a fistful of sheets without even realizing it. This time he speaks more quickly, not thinking about his words.]

You don't need to be her, you never have. You're you and if he can't deal with that it's his problem, not yours.

It doesn't matter.

[Lust shakes her head.]

I don't think I care who I am, just...that whoever I am is someone he could love. Isn't it stupid? I barely even know him, really. He's never kind to me. He wouldn't even tell me his name, before he died. But I want so badly for him to love me.

[Envy scoots more until he's actually sitting next to her, crosslegged with his hands on his ankles. Awkwardly, but there all the same. Being close to people is a thing that he's learned sometimes helps.]

That was back home, right? It might turn out different here.

[She leans against him, just barely. She's grateful for his presence.]

It was back home. We haven't had much luck here, either. We agreed to just ignore each other. But then we don't. And we argue and fight and bait each other nearly every time we speak.

[He's quiet for a long moment.]

But here there's time. And a chance.

[The kind of chance that none of them ever had back in Amestris. Envy might dislike Scar even more now, and he doesn't really want Lust to get hurt because of this...but it's her decision in the end.]

You don't have to figure it out right now, do you?

Maybe.

[It doesn't feel like it. Nothing ever changes. Not really. They'd had one nice meeting, but that was all. And it was fuzzy and hazy and made no difference once it was gone.]

What will more time do? But I suppose you're right.

[Not that she'll stop thinking on it.]

You'd be surprised.

[He nudges his shoulder against hers, lightly.]

When I first got here, I wound up having to travel with a pair of humans. I needed their help or I would've probably wound up dead in the woods, and they let me stick around because I was useful. We couldn't stand each other, we never stopped arguing.

They're...gone, now. But by the time they vanished they were my best friends.

[The immediate responses that come to mind aren't ones she wants to voice. That it's different, that there's too much history between them. But she knows Envy's trying to make her feel better.]

Who knows.

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