Never really held one before that mission either, so... If it weren't for all that, then nah, I never would've done anything like that. But, uh... that's how it goes, I guess.

Just sorta got used to it.

[Some things weigh heavily on him. Felicity does. The scientists do. But most of the people he shot? The Lost Legion, the skavs, all that? Not so much anymore.]

Right? Even before that, he was uh... he was going downhill for a while, but it's that point where he started really losing it.