a_sin_for_him | IC Contact

Scar, in his relieved exhaustion following the battle, had not bothered to sort though his things. He did as usual in Goldenrod, wandering the city during the day, sometimes alone, sometimes with his Pokémon.

So it wasn't until several days later that he discovered a slip of photo paper in his bag.

Scar had not seen his brother's face in more than ten years. It had faded from memory. Warped, lost detail, become faint. It only came flooding back when Scar stared at the color photo of the other man, smiling like he had been alive yesterday.

It had been several months since Scar had fled without a trace, but he was breaking that streak tonight. His 'gear was turned off. His Pokémon were left at the house. He couldn't deal with it, especially not with other people around. Scar curled up deep in a familiar alleyway, nothing on his person but the photo clutched tightly in his hands. The guilt was physically sickening, especially after what had happened between him andown Lust the other night. His eyes burned, his stomach kept flipping over. It was a jarring and sudden reminder that the past was not truly gone. That he still held onto its burdens and responsibilities.

He owed him a thousand apologies. And he could never make up for the life he was living, now.

It wasn't like Scar to be unreachable anymore. He hadn't fled, his things and his Pokemon were still here. But he wasn't.

It was the only reason Lust roused Amoz and had the houndour track him down. Her mind went to the worst possibilities - he was hurt, something had happened....

She was a bit startled when Amoz finally whined, and sure enough, there was Scar, in an alley. She frowned, concerned - though relieved he didn't seem to be hurt.

"Scar...?"

Scar hadn't looked like this in a long time. Curled up against a dirty brick wall, angry and closed off but brittle. The photo, still precious though it had been the cause of this, sat in his lap while his fists clenched against his pants.

It was difficult to respond when Lust appeared. The old mechanisms of antisocial silence were back in place, and he couldn't think of anything to say, much less how to carry out saying it. Scar only glanced in her direction.

There was a time when this behavior from him would have made her cross. But she understands him better now.

She moved to kneel by him, concerned.

That was when she saw what was in his lap.

Oh. Even having only brief flashes of memories, she knew the man in the photograph. She didn't know his name, or anything about him beyond he'd been willing to transgress all natural and cultural laws. And Scar had loved him, very much.

She couldn't blame him for vanishing the way he had. Or begrudge him wanting his solitude. But it was so cold....

"I can borrow a Pokemon, to take you to the cottage."

The words were spoken very softly.

Scar's eyes widened, and he shook his head. No, he couldn't go back there now. He didn't want to go back there at all. It didn't matter that it was cold. He needed to stay outside. Right here.

"I should not have done this." His voice was choked when he finally spoke up. Shouldn't have this life, shouldn't be in this place. As if it were his choice to begin with.

"That depends on which 'this' you mean."

Lust settled down beside him, drawing her legs up under her and sitting on her coat. She didn't move to touch him, yet. He was in pain she couldn't quite understand, and she wasn't sure what to do for him. But she wanted to help him. She hated to see him like this.

"Talk to me, Scar. Please."

"All of this." As if that was at all helpful.

"This life. You..." It was all he could really manage. His hands clinched at the fabric of his pants, knuckles gradually turning white. How could he do this? Live with her like this after everything that had happened? A dozen guilts flooded his mind at a time, each linking to the next and reminding him of how little he deserved this life.

Lust shook her head. This was...dangerous. She knew there was very little she could say or do to make a difference in any positive capacity. Despite not remembering much at all, she was too close to the heart of this problem.

She wished she remembered more. She wished she could remember his brother as more than just a kind face or a horrified alchemist who'd realized what he'd done. Maybe if she knew more of the man, she could say something comforting and honest that would actually be of some help.

But he was only some vague idea to her. Half the time her mind didn't even connect the man that made her with Scar's lost brother.

"You didn't do these things," she finally said, gently. "They happened. No matter how you feel about them, you didn't seek them out. You didn't ask for them. This world exists. I exist. Both would still exist, whether you were even aware or not. That you're here...you didn't ask for that, either."

"I do not understand." He had been going to her for comfort, lately, when he needed it. The impulse was to lean against her.

But how could he do that now? How could he even make her understand?

Scar turned away from her with a dark scowl. He just couldn't manage this right now.

"No one does. We can't." Lust wrapped her arms around herself and looked upwards, feeling lost and small in the cold open air.

"But I'm worried for you right now."

"Go inside," he muttered, still avoiding looking at her. Scar didn't want to talk about this. He didn't know how to face any of it. But he didn't want her to get sick worrying over him out here.

He knew she wouldn't listen, but it was all he could say right now.

"I will if you will. You don't have to come in with me, but...Scar I can't leave you out here. It's too cold and you're not in a well state of mind."

As long as he was inside and safe, she'd leave him be. She knew better now than to force her presence or offers of help on him. But she couldn't just leave him here to freeze or catch some horrible sickness in the chill. She wouldn't.

Scar still wasn't used to the frequent urges just to reach out and touch her, and it was especially strong right now, in spite of everything he told himself. He still wanted her close. Still wanted the comfort.

"I will be fine. It has been worse." Both the cold and his thoughts. He was aware of his issues enough now to know that, but still low enough to accept them.

"But you aren't fine now, and it's only going to get colder. At least sit in the Pokemon Center." Lust could accept that. As long as he was warm and had a roof over his head. She wished he'd come back home with her, but she knew that he wouldn't. There was so little she could actually do and it roiled inside of her.

"You know I can't stand thinking about you out in the cold. And what would Maka think?"

"Don't-" Why was she bringing Maka up? It didn't matter that she had a point, it made even more guilt bubble up in Scar's chest. This was why he didn't like people caring for him. That meant that he had an obligation to them.

"I will go to a Center." Please leave me be. He swallowed the words before they escaped, if only barely.

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